We’re about to tackle a controversial subject that plagues the internet when it comes to the massage therapy profession. The topic: the insulting term “happy ending,” and why you should eradicate it from your vocabulary.
Why are we talking about this?
Zeel is a massage therapy company. Over the years, we’ve grown from a mere wide-eyed concept (delivering spa-quality massage to homes in as little as an hour, using your smartphone) to a nationwide company Powering Massage Everywhere® — the first, largest, and most trusted in the category.
We bring massage to all sorts of places, from homes to hotels to spas to offices, in nearly 70 US cities. (Hi, Wilmington!) In fact this year, for the first time, Zeel made the 2017 Inc. 500 list, ranking as the 167th fastest-growing company in America.
You’d think with this kind of track record and enthusiastic customers across the country, Zeel and the 9,500+ licensed massage therapists with whom we work would be recognized as not only the category creator but the best, most secure, and most extensive network for booking massage therapists anywhere.
And we are – in most instances. But in the sophisticated world of social media, whether it be on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook, we frequently see the unwelcome phenomenon of the “happy ending” joke.
A happy what?
For those of you who do not know what a happy ending is, this article is not for you. (We’re not linking to anything – check out Urban Dictionary on your own time.)
For those of you who are disgusted by the idea of joking about happy endings with licensed massage therapists, we thank you. You do not have to read on unless you enjoy sharing in righteous outrage.
If you don’t see what the big deal is, please read on.
Why you should not make happy ending jokes
1. It’s insulting
Imagine going to school to study anatomy and medically-proven massage techniques for over a year. Imagine studying night after night, practicing over 500 hours of hands-on training, passing your licensing exam, and becoming a licensed massage therapist. Your life goal is to make people feel better and to alleviate muscular pain, using the skills you’ve learned and the credentials you’ve earned.
Now, imagine that various dopes ask you if you provide sexual services during the course of your massage practices. This is offensive, and even threatening. The act is illegal in 49 of the 50 United States, and is often affiliated with sex trafficking — a global human rights issue.
Keep in mind that massage therapists also shun the all-too-common term “masseuse” because it is traditionally associated with unlicensed body work.
2. It’s tired
If you are joking, you presumably want to be funny. There is nothing drearier or less original than making a happy ending joke about massages. At Zeel, we roll our eyes wearily, presuming that you are a dullard with a lackluster personality and impaired intellectual ability, as we delete, block, and otherwise obliterate your presence on our social media pages. If we hear you do it in person, we mock you behind your back, if we can even muster the energy to do so.
Making such comments to massage therapists using the Zeel network is prohibited and will get your account flagged.
3. You appear overly interested in illegal activity
We know you’re not just “asking for a friend.” Leave it alone.
In conclusion, keep it above board, and enjoy the real wellness and health benefits of massage therapy.
Related: Why You Should Never Say Masseuse
Marcy is the SVP of People and Communications at Zeel. In addition to overseeing the humans of Zeel, Marcy has written about workplace topics for more than 20 years both at Zeel and as VP of Content for Vault.com, a career information web site and publisher.